I am disappointed.

I’m disappointed.
Folks it’s alarming! Haven’t you heard the news that has spread out? Of course you do. It broke my vulnerable spirit in peace when it reaches to me. I can’t believed someone betrayed us were having our fun thing – kris kringle. Si A, B, C… and Z ba yan? To your merit, your insecurity had put us into peril. Happy ka na? That empty locker were using to store gifts is being questioned now. It’s like were planting something there or like exploiting it or whatever your understanding because you were not part of our kringle (inggit kaya nagsumbong). We ended up tuloy locate other place to hide our presents rather than reveal it na since it’s our second week naman na of giving. Yes, they can raises queries on why the hell we use that locker for our own sake. Take it - for our own sake (kasi limited – for selected friends only). Because it is part of their property (ooops, Ronn mali ka it’s part of the company property – tama). Well, di naman nila inaangkin, it’s just that why us guys daw kasi didn’t ask any permission from the authority figure (as they claimed for themselves – ito yata yung exact term kesa sa sinasabi kong hierarchy, correct me if am wrong I will stand corrected). Disrespect daw ang ginawa natin. Why pa kasi itinatago ang kringle na yan, e “wala kaming pakialam sa kringle niyo” as Ate Cielo and PM had blurted out in duet. Pero may pakialam sila sa itinatago nating kasiyahan kaya nga sila parinig ng parinig, ironic di ba?

I’m disappointed.
These are words that have been tagged to me by PM. When ate Cielo asked, “sino nga ba narinig ko before na nagsabi ng I’m disappointed?” PM stressed out her cute little finger to me and said, “siya, siya lang ang nagsabi nun”. Ate Cielo argued, “hindi, merong iba yata nagsabi nun”. “Si Ronn lang nagsasabi nun” PM bluntly insisted. That tone sends shiver to my spines and let my knees to start shudder in fear. I will never ever forget the ill feeling she caused on me. You know the feeling na inaakusahan ka, napakasit pala. Wala kang kapalag-palag because there is someone pinpoints you positively. It’s as if I have committed murder that she had witnessed. They interrogated me harshly talaga to admit it. Pity ako sa sarili ko that I almost end up to cry and buti na lang I have controlled my emotion (hahaha exaggerated). I was so angry and I never said anything when they asked me to say something about that matter. I remembered nanay said before na “never let your mouth open to speak up when you’re mad, because you might not know what you may say as evil word comes out in control” (hindi marunong mag-ingles si nanay niyan I did translated lang). I had said that because I was really upset na and pakiramdam ko pinagtutulungan nila akong ilunod sa kumunoy (grabe).

I’m disappointed.
Who are they to judge and measures my comrades’ sincerity and loyalty to me? Sorry to disappoints you as well pero wala sa amin ang traitor. I will never put my friends into hot water that might boil his/her egg when I know the other way to save them because they are worth to protect for. Try niyo lang kantihin ang isa sa kanila and I will stand in their way to defend whatever cause it may bring to me (an tapang ni kuya Ronn pero pag-andyan na, duwag naman - hehe). Have I not thought someday one from my chum betray me as they percept? Never and I doubted not, not even a single piece of my nose hair (eeew). I trusted them. Kayo-kayo lang perhaps ang makakagawa niyan for personal interests in the corporate ladder (am I left? aah, right pala joke, joke, joke). Climb up if you want but please lang try to look naman who you have stepped up just to elevated in the next level (in case you were not aware may karmic effect yan). And asahan mo mawawalan ka ng tunay na kaibigan sa ugali mong yan – asal (sanay ka nga pa lang mangtraydor ng friend, you know who you are). You are worth granting a promotion again and be declared to these entire cronies of idiots, rebel wannabes or whatever name calling someone been embossed to poor people of the universe a supervisor (1,2,3) now by means of intelligence report you possessed. You’re a certified researcher in nature.

I’m disappointed.
I cannot laugh out loud in the future as I am not used to even before naman. For a simple and normal gesture I did – smile pa lang na-question na. Is there something wrong? “Fight for the right!” ang shouts ni tatay every time he’s drunken much alcohol that he cannot even managed to stand on his feet to go home. I used to accustomed his belief even before I was a child (hindi ko pa naiintidahan ang ibig sabihin ni tatay doon pero isisinisigaw ko na iyun sa school grade one pa lang ako, imagine that?). Asked niyo pa Lola Tanting ko sa state (state of calamity) as she quoted me saying “hindi ako magtataka sa iyo bata ka isang araw makita kitang nakikibaka – isang aktibista”. She may be right and she may be wrong. Right, in the sensed that I will fight what I believed in for. Smile is not something to be questioned agad. And maybe wrong that I will march all along the historic streets of Manila just to shout this out. Sobrang defense na yan and it is tiring to do so kaya (ang init-init sa labas and the fact na ayokong pinagpapawisan). Sing with me it to the tune of Walang Kapalit by PJ “asahan mong ngumiti ka lang, merong mapaparanoid, wag ka lang magtataka kung minsan pinatawag ka, dahil ikaw ay isinumbong na”.

I’m disappointed.
No more, after all this bugling thoughts I have released. Sa tingin niyo ba I hold grudges pa to somebody out there? No, I have forgiven you all (parang copycat). I have to thank you all pa nga e because you let me grown and let my sungay shown hehe. But really, I felt eased and can’t wait to let my vulnerable spirit lay in peace once again (haaay, buhay kakapagod). Not unless somebody reacted violently to this whole context I made fearlessly. Suggestion lang ha, pwede bang sa barangay mo na lang idulog ang hinanaing mo o kaya isumbong mo sa ina mo (ayoko na, tama na, wala na to, pero I started hahaha). Joke.